Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
