Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Need sex. Gaining weight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
