It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
