I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
