I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
