I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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