I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
