Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
