How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
