and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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