So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
