haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
