Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
