Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
