Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We named our party play list daddy issues
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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