I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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