I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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