puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
