Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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