I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
