You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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