Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
