I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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