Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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