never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
