I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
