If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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