Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
