If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
