Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
