omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
