I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
