3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
