so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You've changed since you got that strap on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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