just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
