I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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