I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
