he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You pole danced in your parka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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