you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
