I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
