We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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