There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
