You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
