i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
