The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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