the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
