I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
