Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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