Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
