I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
