i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
