You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
