please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
