I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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