So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
