so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
